Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
