margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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