a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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