Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
