i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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