dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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