He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
