$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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