i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
