dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
