over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
