He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
