Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
