Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
