I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
