I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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