Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
