you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
