Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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