Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
