were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
