It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
