Im at strip club and am horny
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
