I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
