It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
