I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I have tasted many bathrooms
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
