DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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