My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm at about main and main street
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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