Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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