what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
