careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
