Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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