He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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