i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
