i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
