my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
