i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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