Umm I'm too high to move.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
