My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
