They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
