he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
