I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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