you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
