I'm going to jail i love you
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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