I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
God, I missed his penis.
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