you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
