I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
