This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
