im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
