I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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