Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
