physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
