Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
