How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
