no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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