I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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