worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
