did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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