All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
