good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
