When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Randomize
