honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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