I have demons in me.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
