just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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