I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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