Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
