no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
