She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
