you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
